Global Warming; from coffee shop conversations to political platforms, it’s a real hot topic these days (global warming/hot topic, I really don’t know why they let me write this thing). Climate change is seemingly inevitable as 2015 is shaping up to be the hottest summer in recorded history (Source: Some thing I read on the internet the other day. I don’t know, just Google it). Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to add anything new to the conversation on global warming. The truth is I’m just not smart enough, and I don’t know all the facts. All I know is this summer has been way too goddamn hot.
Summer has never been my cup of tea. I find it hard to conduct myself as a normal member of society while being constantly covered in an awkwardly embarrassing amount of sweat. Generally my torso looks like a greased up McDonalds bag during the summer. I lurk though the shadows, from pub to comic book shop, looking for any respite from the sun’s rays.
Still, I get why a lot of you probably love the summer. Ladies, you put on your little summer dresses, strap up your sandals and float around from picnic to picnic on a cloud of attention. Guys, you head to the beach, pop your shirts off and try to attract a mate by seeing who can lift the largest rock. I get it.
Now if climate change was bringing around perpetual Autumn I would be on board. 365 days of gourds, falling leaves and all things pumpkin spice would be a paradise to me. But each summer the weather gets hotter and I get stickier. So to help turn the tides of climate change, I officially give global warming two thumbs down.
Words by Ryan Bangma
Originally published in the September 2015 issue of analogy